How it All Began (Continued)
(This post was written by Logan)
I must say that Kara has given a pretty accurate description of the events that led to our being together. However, I don’t think the two quotes from my journal were an adequate representation of the way I truly felt about her at the time. For some reason, when I write in my journal, my thoughts come out a little wonky. (“Wonky” is a word we use in our family to describe anything that is … well … wonky. There’s not really another word that can be used in its place. It’s kind of like “messed up,” but it doesn’t have the same connotation … You know how it feels when your sock gets crumpled up under your toes? When that happens, you could say that your sock is “wonky.” That’s the best example I can think of right now. If you feel that you could clarify a little further, feel free to post examples of situations in which the use of the elusively-defined adjective is justified.)
Anyway, like I said … my journal writing is usually a little wonky. In the entries Kara quoted, I said that I really liked Kara a lot, and that I had thought of her as a potential wife. That is true, but my feelings at the time were so much more involved than sporadic thoughts of “I like this girl, and I hope she’s still around when I come home.” My mind and emotions were constantly consumed by thoughts, and longing to be with her, and the things I wrote in my journal did not do justice to the feelings I was having.
It was an interesting phase of my life. I was trying to stay focused on my first semester of college at USU - including a linear algebra/differential equations class which, to be frank, was a little more challenging than I expected a math class could ever be. (Over-confidence, especially when it comes to doing math, is a hallmark characteristic of nerds like myself.) Besides school stuff, I had already received my mission call, and I was trying focus on my preparation in that area. On top of all that, I had a prestigious position as an afternoon janitor in the student services building (which yielded a whopping $5.15 an hour). One would think that with all these things keeping me occupied, and dozens of miles between USU and Centerville, my mind would be busy with other things. But that was not the case. The only thing I could think about whether I was in class, at work, during meals, or while studying, was what I would read in the email I’d get from Kara that evening, or what I would write in response, or what I could claim as the reason I wanted to go back to Centerville that weekend. (It sounded a little crazy at the time to ever give the real reason … which was “so I can spend time with a 17-year-old girl who I am head-over-heels in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with.”) Needless to say, my feelings for Kara at the time were a little more involved than indicated by my journal entries.
When I got home from Brazil, it didn’t take long for all those feelings to come whooshing back (as Kara said). Within a matter of weeks, I remembered where my heart had been, and I was happy to learn that hers was still there too. Looking back at where we were in fall of 1998, it seems a miracle to me that we actually ended up getting married. Things like that don’t happen all the time you know … I’m glad it happened the way it did though. I’m pretty dang happy.
The more I reflect on the past, present, and future of my life, the more I realize how truly blessed I am. The other day, Kara and I were talking about the strange feeling we get when we really stop to think about who we are, that we are spending our lives together, or when we look at our sweet little kids and wonder where they (and we) are going to be in 10, 15, or 40 years. We decided that the best way to describe the feeling is “nostalgia for something we have yet to experience.” I felt a little bit of that just now ... It’s a pretty cool feeling.
I must say that Kara has given a pretty accurate description of the events that led to our being together. However, I don’t think the two quotes from my journal were an adequate representation of the way I truly felt about her at the time. For some reason, when I write in my journal, my thoughts come out a little wonky. (“Wonky” is a word we use in our family to describe anything that is … well … wonky. There’s not really another word that can be used in its place. It’s kind of like “messed up,” but it doesn’t have the same connotation … You know how it feels when your sock gets crumpled up under your toes? When that happens, you could say that your sock is “wonky.” That’s the best example I can think of right now. If you feel that you could clarify a little further, feel free to post examples of situations in which the use of the elusively-defined adjective is justified.)
Anyway, like I said … my journal writing is usually a little wonky. In the entries Kara quoted, I said that I really liked Kara a lot, and that I had thought of her as a potential wife. That is true, but my feelings at the time were so much more involved than sporadic thoughts of “I like this girl, and I hope she’s still around when I come home.” My mind and emotions were constantly consumed by thoughts, and longing to be with her, and the things I wrote in my journal did not do justice to the feelings I was having.
It was an interesting phase of my life. I was trying to stay focused on my first semester of college at USU - including a linear algebra/differential equations class which, to be frank, was a little more challenging than I expected a math class could ever be. (Over-confidence, especially when it comes to doing math, is a hallmark characteristic of nerds like myself.) Besides school stuff, I had already received my mission call, and I was trying focus on my preparation in that area. On top of all that, I had a prestigious position as an afternoon janitor in the student services building (which yielded a whopping $5.15 an hour). One would think that with all these things keeping me occupied, and dozens of miles between USU and Centerville, my mind would be busy with other things. But that was not the case. The only thing I could think about whether I was in class, at work, during meals, or while studying, was what I would read in the email I’d get from Kara that evening, or what I would write in response, or what I could claim as the reason I wanted to go back to Centerville that weekend. (It sounded a little crazy at the time to ever give the real reason … which was “so I can spend time with a 17-year-old girl who I am head-over-heels in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with.”) Needless to say, my feelings for Kara at the time were a little more involved than indicated by my journal entries.
When I got home from Brazil, it didn’t take long for all those feelings to come whooshing back (as Kara said). Within a matter of weeks, I remembered where my heart had been, and I was happy to learn that hers was still there too. Looking back at where we were in fall of 1998, it seems a miracle to me that we actually ended up getting married. Things like that don’t happen all the time you know … I’m glad it happened the way it did though. I’m pretty dang happy.
The more I reflect on the past, present, and future of my life, the more I realize how truly blessed I am. The other day, Kara and I were talking about the strange feeling we get when we really stop to think about who we are, that we are spending our lives together, or when we look at our sweet little kids and wonder where they (and we) are going to be in 10, 15, or 40 years. We decided that the best way to describe the feeling is “nostalgia for something we have yet to experience.” I felt a little bit of that just now ... It’s a pretty cool feeling.
Comments