The Sitcom
For many years now, I have been writing a sitcom in my head. When I hear a completely random and hilarious story, I always make a mental note to myself to include it in the sitcom. These stories come from family (actually, primarily from my sister Krista; I sometimes think her life actually IS a sitcom), friends, complete strangers and, of course, my own childhood, adolescence and (sort-of) adulthood. Never mind that I don't know anything about TV writing; this stuff is pure gold and is going to make me rich one day. A few of my favorite episodes:
-- The one where your fifty-something manager at work, who describes herself as a "bobcat" in the bedroom, generously offers to let you borrow some of her lingerie for the approaching Valentine's Day
-- The one where you randomly receive a Christmas card from an old acquaintance who, amidst the usual updates on work and kids, goes into GREAT DETAIL about the birth control failure that resulted in her most recent child -- but still manages to close things out with a cheerful "Happy Holidays!"
-- The one where you're eleven years old and someone -- you, your friend or one of your two sisters -- has tracked dog poo into the house, but nobody's owning up to it. This causes your up-until-then non-vulgar, Mormon mother to begin dropping swears (the non-Bible kind) all over the place. Later we learn that your friend really was to blame, but she was scared out of her mind about what might have happened if she confessed.
-- The one where you run to the store with your friend and your infant daughter and encounter a very chatty gentleman who makes some comments that indicate he thinks you and your friend are lesbians together -- but you don't make that connection until it's too late to correct his assumption.
These are just a few little gems from the treasure trove. If you have any episodes to add, I'd love to hear them! Just be aware that when I do strike it rich with the sitcom, there's no way I'm giving you any credit or sharing any royalties with you.
-- The one where your fifty-something manager at work, who describes herself as a "bobcat" in the bedroom, generously offers to let you borrow some of her lingerie for the approaching Valentine's Day
-- The one where you randomly receive a Christmas card from an old acquaintance who, amidst the usual updates on work and kids, goes into GREAT DETAIL about the birth control failure that resulted in her most recent child -- but still manages to close things out with a cheerful "Happy Holidays!"
-- The one where you're eleven years old and someone -- you, your friend or one of your two sisters -- has tracked dog poo into the house, but nobody's owning up to it. This causes your up-until-then non-vulgar, Mormon mother to begin dropping swears (the non-Bible kind) all over the place. Later we learn that your friend really was to blame, but she was scared out of her mind about what might have happened if she confessed.
-- The one where you run to the store with your friend and your infant daughter and encounter a very chatty gentleman who makes some comments that indicate he thinks you and your friend are lesbians together -- but you don't make that connection until it's too late to correct his assumption.
These are just a few little gems from the treasure trove. If you have any episodes to add, I'd love to hear them! Just be aware that when I do strike it rich with the sitcom, there's no way I'm giving you any credit or sharing any royalties with you.
Comments
A neighbor would then come over, climb up the drainpipe, enter on the third floor balcony and save the day.
I think "and your pants" is my favorite episode.
BTW, re: your comment on my kitten pictures. It's a good thing I didn't put up the "just born two seconds ago" pictures. They really would have given credence to Amanda's "theory".
On your wedding day, you and your brand new spouse are at your new apartment getting ready for the reception that evening. As you go outside to pack the car, you both suddenly realize that the front door is locked and the keys are inside! Finally your groom acts as the knight in shining armor and somehow unlatches the tall skinny window and climbs through. As you get to your reception, your family is starring at you and you realize that you are late, your hair is messed up, and you are both out of breath!